About this episodeAshley shares her journey of leaving a polygamous AUB religious community, highlighting the trauma of childhoo…AI summary
Ashley shares her journey of leaving a polygamous AUB religious community, highlighting the trauma of childhood neglect, early marriage at 18, and the pivotal role of motherhood in her decision to escape. She emphasizes the importance of authenticity, mental health awareness, and breaking generational cycles of emotional suppression, while maintaining grace for her family despite their roles in her trauma.
Key takeaways 7
Ashley grew up in the AUB (a breakoff from LDS/Mormon) polygamous religion, where her father had 46 children and six wives at one point. The family lived in trailers without heat or AC.
Her mother married at 17 to a man 24 years her senior (approx. 40), illustrating the groomed nature of the community where young women had no voice or choice.
Ashley’s brother Ammon took his life at age 14; Ashley felt immense guilt, believing she ignored a premonition she had a month prior, highlighting the severe mental health stigma and lack of support in her upbringing.
The decision to leave was triggered by becoming a mother at 20; she realized her daughter deserved a life free from the religious brainwashing and emotional neglect she experienced.
Ashley’s mother recently left the religion and started therapy, realizing she was groomed and lacked a voice, showing that healing and change are possible even later in life.
Ashley practices 'random acts of blue' (her brother's favorite color) as a way to honor him and process grief, demonstrating a specific coping mechanism for trauma.
She distinguishes between her abusive father (Vietnam vet with untreated PTSD) and her emotionally absent mother, noting that while she has no relationship with her dad, she maintains compassion for her mom due to her own traumatic upbringing.
Notable quotes 5AI-generated: wording and quote attribution may be wrong. Use the play link to verify.
“I got married at 18. Who the hell let me do that?”
▶ 0:31Ashley reflecting on the societal norms of her polygamous community that allowed minors to marry.
“When I gave birth to my daughter, me and my husband were like, she can't live like that. That's not the life that we want for her... she deserves to be loved and protected.”
▶ 0:37The pivotal moment that motivated Ashley and her husband to leave the religion.
“I don't want to live my life bitter... At the end of the day, we get to choose. Is this going to destroy me? Or is this going to make me a better person?”
▶ 30:22Ashley explaining her philosophy on processing trauma and choosing authenticity over resentment.
“You get to choose your story 100%. ... You get to choose if you are going to grow from it or let it destroy you.”
▶ 58:29The core message Ashley wants viewers to take away regarding agency and mental health.
“I literally after we left I would pray every night for God to not take my daughter from me. I literally thought she was going to die because... she didn't get a special baby blessing.”
▶ 47:33Ashley describing the religious OCD and anxiety she experienced after leaving the faith.
Chapters & Sections (43)▼
0:00Leaving Polygamous Religions and Childhood Traumachapter4
0:00Escaping Polygamy and Childhood Trauma
2:00Growing Up in a Polygamous Family
3:34Childhood in Polygamous Communities
5:04Polygamy and Women's Roles in Fundamentalist Religions
6:49Childhood Trauma and Coercive Family Dynamicschapter3
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